Bird Sittin' and Perseverin'

Happy New Year! I can hardly believe that the year of 2012 has ended! Life truly does seem to accelerate each year! This year I feel like I was thrown more into the “adult” world as I began teaching part time and continue to wrestle with what my future holds… I laugh at the hours I spent as a child playing House - pretending to be grown-ups with my sisters.  My play life did not resemble the life I currently live. It was a fantasy; I could decide I wanted an event to happen in my life, and then I would make it happen. I could decide I wanted to take a break from “life” and I could pick it up right where I left it. Life was good:) Although I could dictate everything that happened in my “play” life,  it didn’t include the depth of emotions that reality brings. There was no struggle in trials or joy in their triumph. When I could dictate my own life, I had no concept of the profound love of God or my need for him, nor the extreme joy that accompanies perseverance.

As many know, I am currently house-sitting for 6 months with my wonderful friend Jamie Cheever. We are in charge of fighting off all of the bad guys and taking care of a bird named Willow and a snake! There is little to do with the snake besides feeding it frozen rats, which is a story in itself, but Willow requires a lot more attention. Willow is a very social bird, so she likes to be around us. She only knows three words, “Hello,” a loud and startling “SQWAAAK,” and when she is really needing attention an incredible high pitched “SQUEAL.” Cheever and I decided when we first moved in that we would teach her to say at least one new phrase. After great debate, we decided on the phrase “I love you.” Every time we greeted her, rather than saying “Hi Willow,” we said, “I love you.” I expected it to catch on fairly quickly- I tend to be overly optimistic, but of course she did not immediately mimic us. After a while, I thought it was a hopeless cause, but I continued anyway, but to no avail. This December the owners came home because they are planning to take Willow back with them to Florida for the next few months. The night before they returned, believe it or not, Willow finally said, “I love you!” We were elated- at least I was- Jamie does a better job at containing her enthusiasm than me. Although it is such a simple thing, I recognize that having to wait for something and fight for it is far more rewarding than getting what you want right away. If Willow had complied immediately with our wishes, I would have been excited for a moment, but I sure wouldn’t have anything to blog about…!

I feel like a hypocrite writing much of this, but I hope that my attitude continues to move toward believing that fighting to pursue my passion will be fruitful. I believe that as I fight to pursue the passions that God has given me, whether or not they are successful according to the world, they are giving me a purpose and helping me to become the woman that God created me to be. This year, I have certainly been humbled, but at the same time learned that it is ok to “fail” because God has never left me and that I am still fully loved by him and those around me. I still hate to fail, but I currently feel free to continue to take risks because life does not end if I make a mistake. In fact, as much as it hurts to be vulnerable, I think it is the best opportunity to grow and evaluate in order to make changes. I plan to persevere just as I did with Willow and hope that some day I will get to celebrate a victory, but if not here on Earth, I truly believe that there is a greater victory to be won!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

I am getting ready for my first race in a very long time - first cross country race in a very very long time! I am racing at Club Cross in Lexington, Kentucky with my awesome team- Run N Fun! The weekend has already been a blast getting the chance to travel with a great group of runners that share a similar passion; some old friends, and some new. Honestly, it is hard for me to step to the line when I know I am not in my best fitness. I have a poster in my classroom that has a quote of Babe Ruth that says, “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” I cannot let my pride keep me from doing something that I love, just because of fear that my performance might hurt my ego a little bit! The course is going to be muddy because it has been raining the last two days, so times will not be fast – and we will all get very dirty! Thus, as I step to the line I am free from any time expectation and I can just run the race marked out before me in freedom. I am hoping that this race will be the start of many healthy races to come and remind me of how much I love to race, spend time with great people, and be free to be me! I will let you know how it goes!

Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

"Fall Back"

Today we set our clocks so that they “Fall back” one hour; we got one extra hour to sleep, and I will take that extra hour to reflect on this fall. This fall I have officially become Miss Yetzer at St. Louis Park High School, begun the humbling transition back into running after a long injury, moved from Lakeville (parent’s home) to Bloomington (With Jamie Cheever - house sitting until April), and continued to grow and learn the reality that my life will never and should never follow the pattern of anyone around me.

It has been a surprise to me that my injury kept me from running from June until September and is still requiring transition. As I mentioned in my previous blog, my latest conviction is to train a little more conservatively in order to stay healthy and run consistently – this means a few less miles and more cross training. My sister, Rebekah Metzdorff, is now coaching me. I will write more about our relationship in the future, but I am very excited to work with her, as I know I will communicate well with her and I trust her knowledge- with a Sports Science education and coaching experience at Hamline University and with other individuals. My tendency is to always want to do more, and I already feel like Bekah is holding me accountable to train more conservatively and to trust her.

I love to work hard and have it set in my mind that in order to be the best I can be, I have to do more. I am currently wrestling with the fact that my body did not respond kindly to that sort of mentality last year and it is pretty clear that I need to do something different. This fall I have been praying to understand if this means that I will never will be a professional runner, if it is time to move on, if I need to persevere, if I just need train with a different attitude and see where it goes while teaching, if I should just run for fun, if I should use my gift to coach, etc.? I catch myself praying about specific details because I want to know the end result.

I recall Annie, my sister, talking on a run last winter about how she wants to know exactly what she is supposed to be pursuing in her life- she wants the actions in her life to be like a dagger aimed at its intended target. I think we can all relate to the lack of direction we may feel at times. Recently I have been convicted that my concern about the little questions and details are keeping me from aiming at my actual target- I want everything I do to be pointed at glorifying God- growing closer to him, sharing his love with others, and worshipping him.

The people closest to me will probably roll their eyes because they are sick of hearing my excitement about the attributes of Noah that have recently inspired me. I grew up knowing the story of Noah’s Arc, but after reading it again this week, I was struck by Noah’s patience, perseverance, and ability to live a life set apart from the rest of the world.

First, Noah built the arc for 120 years… That is a long time and he was ridiculed for it, but he did it with faith because he believed he should- I doubt I would do that because I question if I should do something if it fails after a week, let alone 120 years! This fall I am not being ridiculed for my training, but in my head I want to be training more because this is the pattern I have always believed would lead to success. Instead, I am training moderately, and sharing my energy and passion with my Geometry students. It doesn’t make sense that this is going to make me the best runner, but I feel excited about teaching and that God keeps saying, “Just focus on what I have given you and trust me.”

Second, I was especially inspired by Noah’s patience; when Noah and his family were in the boat for about a year, the waters finally were receding. He sent out a dove multiple times to see if it would return with any sign of land. The dove finally returned with an olive branch- representing a sign of life. Even though Noah received that sign, he still waited a week after he received the olive branch until God told him to come out! I know that as soon as I saw the olive branch I would celebrate and take that as a sign and get out of that boat!

I am praying that I can apply some of this to my own life. I want to be like Noah- to be a patient and faithful woman. Even if I don’t completely understand every detail of my life or the end results, if I keep my dagger pointed towards Christ, no matter what I do, it will have a purpose and that he will direct my steps. I will continue to work hard at training, at teaching, etc. and trust that my life doesn’t have to perfectly resemble those of others. Perhaps some day I will change my mind, but for now, I feel like God is asking me to simply take steps forward with the peace of knowing he will direct them. Will I obey God and be like Noah and build a boat for 120 years even if the details don’t make sense? Will I continue to seek him and pursue the opportunities that he places before me- even if they don’t seem to align with what other great runners have done - and trust that God will bless it? (Whether that blessing means running success, becoming the woman he created me to be, or both, I do not know).

Francis Chan said, “Our greatest fear shouldn’t be of failing, but at being good at something that doesn’t have a purpose.” I hope that no matter what I do, I will get better at worrying less about the details and the end results, and will patiently focus my energy at knowing him and joyfully pursuing the little steps immediately in front of me for his glory.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but God directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Summer Vacation is Over - and so is my blog hiatus:)

It has been way too long since I have last posted. I apologize. I guess my excuse is Summer Vacation. Not by my choice, the last month has been a break from running due to a hamstring and back injury. Typically when I am injured, I am able to cross train like crazy, but with this injury, I was forced to take a complete break from most forms of activity. This was very challenging, as I love to be active, especially in the summer, but probably very healthy for me. For a while, my theme was Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” Gradually I have been able to add various forms of cross training. It is amazing what a gift physical activity is, when you can’t do it. The week that I did very little activity, I could relate to why people that get out of the habit of exercising think they don’t have enough energy for it. I felt exhausted do nothing…perhaps it was a combination of no exercise and a good case of disappointment. Anyway, I believe I am on the mend. I acknowledge that I have not kept you updated, but I am going to write as though I have kept my blog updated and you are informed, just like old friends pick up where they left off.

The current theme of my life is moving forward; Pray, take a step forward, keep praying, and take another step. Within this, there is going to be joy and suffering. St. Augustine said, “If we never give up, we will be winners.” He was referring to our faith and our reward in Heaven, and I think it applies to the various components of our lives. For me, through a lot of prayer, particularly when I am swimming in the pool, I have been convinced that despite my injuries, I still love to run and to compete, and if I can figure out how to run injury free for a couple of years and stick with it, I will be a winner. Perhaps being a winner means being an Olympian, perhaps it means learning how to deal with disappointment and clinging to God no matter what, perhaps it means both and all that will fall in between these extremes. I wish I could say I know the ending, but that would keep me from seeking. So, I am not giving up until my passion for this strange sport is gone and I am convinced that God has something else for me.

I am indeed moving forward, but this doesn’t mean that I will continue moving forward the exact same way. I have not established my exact plan for trying to stay healthy, but I do know that I want to be a lot more conservative in my training. If I can step back and look at the big picture, I know that I will thrive more in the long run if I have slower yet continuous progress, rather than interrupted training phases. I plan to gradually build miles until I am healthy, and then run with lower mileage than I ran this year and with a little less frequent intensity.  I wish I could always remember the big picture in running and my life in general. The reality is, life would be a lot healthier and bring a lot less anxiety if I could live with patience and insight. When I doubt arriving at the destination that seems so far away, I am trying to remind myself that my ultimate goal is to bring glory to God in all things, and that he has a good plan, and that his plan is the best no matter what I think the “best plan” is.

Last week I was feeling sorry for myself when I read Psalm 97. Part of it really encouraged me. “ The Lord is King, the Most High over all the earth…The Mountains melt like wax before the Lord.” I am moving forward with my life, with a confidence that my God can do anything- Even melt mountains!

A break and reflection

I recently (sorry I started writing this a week ago) returned from my last race of this track season. I decided I would seize the opportunity to run one more race in Indianapolis, and race 5K on the track. I flew to Indianapolis with my teammate Meghan Peyton, and then waited all day to run at 11:29 PM! To say the least, it was a rather long day! I felt like a caged animal; it was so hot outside, you didn’t want to go for a stroll for fear that your energy would be zapped and our hotel had little around it. The joke was that we had the option of either going to Denny’s, Waffle House, Super America, or stay in the hotel room. I would try to settle in the hotel room, then wander the long hallways, then return and read, then wander the hallways, then journal, take a nap, read, watch a movie, then wander the hallways…You get the point. In retrospect, it really doesn’t sound so bad to have an entire day of having to do nothing. It really is a unique opportunity to get to devote an entire day to preparing for an event that you care so much about and try to do it to the best of your ability. Despite the anxiety and pit in your stomach, I really do want to cherish race preparation and this season of my life.

            The race did finally arrive. Unfortunately it was not ideal 5K racing conditions being over 80 degrees and very humid. I went into the race with a goal of running under 16 minutes, which I think I am capable of on the right day, but ended up running 16.37, a few seconds off of my PR. I was actually proud of my mindset during the race, but very frustrated that I did not run a PR. I so desired some indication that my investment in this year was all worth it.  I wanted a strong indication that continuing to train post-collegiately would lead to leaps and bounds of improvement, but this was not the case this year, and especially difficult to expect after a stress fracture. As you probably can imagine, this naturally led to a lot of tears and reflection on my year.

First, I acknowledge that this year has been a transitional year. I am officially one year out of college, and enjoying/struggling to figure out how to live in “the real world.” Nonetheless, I have made ends meet (with the help and support of so many) and have become a much stronger runner after putting in many more miles than ever before. I have not even been training with my new coach, Dennis Barker, for an entire year, and should expect some time for transitioning and an eventual pay off for all of the strength work.

Second, despite my disappointment, I want to celebrate what good has come out of this year. I did run a small PR in the 5K after only running for four weeks after my stress fracture, and then was very near it on a very hot and humid day. Also, I want to celebrate that this year I completed many long and challenging workouts that I have never done in the past. I know I am getting stronger. Finally, I have to celebrate that had a group of people to train with that make it easy to love the sport and to want to continue to improve and compete at a high level.

Third, and probably the most important question I have to ask is: “Is this the direction in which I believe God wants me to continue? And am I becoming more like Christ in this endeavor?” Sirach 33:12 says, “Some he blesses and makes great, some he sanctifies and draws to himself.”  Of course I dream and want to be the one that God makes great, but ultimately I want to draw close to the Lord. I truly believe that each day that I am training and competing, whether it is a great and encouraging workout, a humbling blow that I didn’t reach a goal, a carefree run with people that I love, etc., I do feel as though I am being drawn to the Lord. Thus, for now, I know that I want to continue to train and compete.

What does this look like? For the sake of brevity, I will share more in the future about how I plan to tweak some components of my training and lifestyle. Logistically, I do have some semblance of a plan for the fall. I recently got a part time teaching job in the fall at St. Louis Park as a Geometry teacher. So, yes, I am officially MISS YETZER! It seems to be the perfect opportunity to have some structure in my life and to get to pour some thought, energy, and love into a classroom in the afternoon and still meet with my training partners in the morning. I am very excited about the chance to get to do two things that I love!

In the mean time, I am taking a few weeks of being a “normal person.” I took about a week off of no running and just “playing.” I have been going for bike rides, hiking, doing yoga, etc without worries that it will affect my training. It has been a lot of fun and it is refreshing me so that I am ready to start training again soon. I plan to get a good summer base and hit the roads this fall.

Some of my great support Crew!
(Annie, Dan, Me, Cheever)

I want to thank you all for your continued love and support. This week, particularly tonight, I will be supporting my two teammates and best friends, Jamie Cheever and Heather Kampf, as they run in the Olympic Trials! Later this week Gabriele Anderson will be racing as well! Good luck to you guys! Watching the trials and the fierce competitiveness in each runner is always a source of inspiration. I know my teammates will run with courage!

A penny for your thoughts

Well, I am headed home from Indianapolis. When I had envisioned this trip home, I thought that I would be celebrating that I had a new PR and qualified for the Trials. Unfortunately, I cannot deliver such joyous news. Last night I ran my third race, and again ran a 4.20… They say, “Third time’s a charm,” but this was not the case last night. For now, I am not sure what is next. I may try to get one more track race in, or I may hit the roads and do some road races. I will let you know shortly! I am prayerfully considering what is best. I currently am a little sick, so I am hoping that I can quickly get better in the comfort of my own bed and be ready to race soon.

No matter what, I have to continue to believe that God is still good. Not only this, but God has what is best for me. The morning of the race, I had read in Mark about the widow who places only a penny in the offering. People scoff at her “minimal” offering. Jesus rebukes them and praises her, for she has just offered all that she has. All the Lord wants is our best. I don’t always understand why I run, or what competing has to offer the Lord, but I want to be like the widow, and offer up whatever I have for his glory. For this weekend, I offered what I had. This does not mean that I am content with my performance, but it means that I will not allow myself to be defeated; that I trust that what I am doing is refining me and those around me somehow. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I know I am not competing alone!  Press on!

Mini - 1500 meter Series Update

I believe I am due for a racing update. I am currently in Indianapolis waiting for my third and final race of my “Mini 1500 M series.” I raced last Saturday in Boston and ran a 4.20.9. As I had mentioned in my previous blog, it was very rainy, so not ideal conditions, but I was pleased with how I competed. After completing the race, I knew I needed to make sure lap 2 and 3 moved, and had confidence that I would be able to put it all together in Indianapolis.

After arriving in Indianapolis, I was none but thrilled to see that the race entries were very competitive, and there would be a rabbit that would take the leaders through at a 2:12 for the first 800 Meters. I planned to come through at 2:14, and be right off of them and then focus on closing well. In reality, I had a better first half than last week; I came through at 2:16, but had a hard time closing. After the race, I was very frustrated (for lack of better term). Some of the girls in my race ran qualifying times to go on to the Trials, and it really stung to realize that I missed out on a sweet opportunity to reach that goal.

A good night sleep, lots of love and support from people around me, and a simple, but encouraging phone call from my oldest sister Bekah helped to make me feel encouraged and excited to race again with confidence on Saturday. First, a huge shout out and thank you to my sister, Annie, and my boyfriend, Dan, for driving all ten hours to cheer me on in my race! I am so blessed to have people that are so supportive. It was a small glimpse of God our Father’s love when I received a hug and a reminder that they love me no matter how I raced. Today, Dan and Annie spent this morning with Jamie Cheever and I. We went to a delicious breakfast café on the canal in Indianapolis and then they hit the long road home. Later, Bekah, my other sister called. We had a brief conversation, but she really encouraged me. She reminded me of some of my workouts the past few weeks; how some went really well, and how some went really not-so-well. Some days you feel great, while other days, just are not as fluid as one would hope. To clarify, I acknowledge that my race yesterday really was not horrible. It was actually the second fastest time I have ever run, but I was just hoping for more. Thus, I have to believe, that yesterday was not my perfect race, and I am ready to step to the line again on Saturday for one more attempt at qualifying for the Olympic Trials!

In the mean time, I get to hang out here in Indianapolis with Jamie Cheever and recover from yesterday, and prepare for Saturday. In the Picture above, you can see us doing one of our favorite activities, Ice Bathing! When we are not ice bathing, we are trying to be very creative with how we spend out time in Indianapolis without a car.... I am so grateful for her companionship! In a future blog, I plan to share with you some of our recent escapades:)

Race Day

I am ready for my fist 1500 race here in Boston. It looks like there is a really great field. I am just waiting on this rainy day for 7:50 PM to arrive! I have had a great trip thus far. I got to stay with an old High School friend, Beth Ohrt last night. It was so fun to jump back in her life and get a glimpse of the Boston lifestyle. I was very proud of myself for navigating my through Boston using Public Transportation…until I realized this morning I never called my parents and they were very worried…enough to trace all of my phone calls and contact everyone that might have heard from me! I guess I am not as independent as I would like to think:) 

Today I am staying with another runner, Joanna Murphy, who has been so generous to let me stay with her. It is so fun to get to stay with other runners and hear about their lifestyle and training regime. I am always encouraged and inspired to keep training when I am surrounded by other passionate runners. I hope that I can host athletes that come to race in Minnesota. The invitation is always open!

            I just finished visualizing my race, which I believe you can watch live on FloTrack at 7:50 ET. Here are the words of affirmation I plan to focus on during each lap of the race.

Lap 1: COURAGEOUS ~“Be strong and of good courage, be not frightened nor dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you may go.” Josh. 1:9

Lap 2: I am strong and Confident ~ “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the Earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint!”  Isaiah 40:28- 31

Lap 3: I am tough and will stand firm~ "Therefore, my dear brothers, Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Cor. 15:58 

Lap 4: I am a FIGHTER! “I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith, I have finished the race!” 2 Tim. 4:7

Here is a link to the meet website: NB Boston Twilight

Time Flies

They say, “Time flies when you are having fun”… To say the least, time flew when I ran the TC One Mile race last Thursday night. Some of the fun and joy that accompanied the race included: preparing to race all day and focusing on a single task, meeting other competitive and like-minded men and women runners, lining up with Professional Runners and realizing I am one of them, being cheered on along Nicollet Avenue by all of the fans, and celebrating at the finish line with the amazing friends and family that came out to support me. The race was certainly fun, but the experience was far more valuable than providing a small blink of entertainment, it prepared me well for the races to come in the next two weeks.

My coach and I decided that because there are more opportunities to race a 1500 M than a 5K, I will refocus on the 1500M for the rest of this season in order to chase an Olympic Trials qualifying time. My plan is to race in Boston on June 2^nd at the Boston Twilight Series, June 6^th at the American Milers Club Series in Indianapolis, and finally race on June 9^th  in Indianapolis.

The One mile race went fast. I recall my training partner, Meghan Peyton, saying that she just focuses on getting across the train tracks at about 200 M. I recall reaching that point, and then running through the 400 M mark.  To say the least, part of the race was feeling really long until I realized that I was at 1200 meters, and I somehow missed the 800 M mark. All I could do was try to regain my focus and positive attitude and finish as hard as I could. As I crossed the line, I was amazed by how fast the race really went by.

I was kicking myself after the race. I felt like I lost focus and “blinked” around the halfway point of the race and let the pack go. I have reflected on how I am going to apply what I learned in the race to the next few races. I am visualizing myself staying focused and in the zone for the entire race, and racing with a confidence that I can stick to a pace and the pack all the way through the finish line.

I can’t help but feel frustrated because my tendency in a lot of races is to lose focus and faith for a second- and then try to come back. It reminds me a lot of Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples. In Matthew 14, the men were out on the stormy water and Jesus appeared to them and said, “Take courage. It is I. Do not be afraid.” Peter walked out of the boat towards Jesus, but when he took his eyes off of Jesus and worried about the waves around him, he began to sink. I think it is the same way with me in racing. As soon as I take my eyes off of the goal and start to think about how I am feeling, I begin to struggle. I am so thankful that I have “brief” 4-minute races where I get to take a risk and have faith. It is my hope that as I step to the line, I can acknowledge that God enables me to do all I do, and then race with a fierce and competitive focus. It is also my hope, that in all areas of my life, my eternal focus stays on Jesus, rather than on myself. For anyone that knows me well, I am far from this goal. Thankfully, Peter doubted and took his eyes off, Jesus still pulled him back up and strengthened his faith. In the same way, I know that Jesus continues to pull me back up, each time I turn back to him and acknowledge that I need him. So, here I go. I know time will fly when I am racing these 1500 M races, but this time it will fly by while I “Take courage and am not afraid!”

“Take Courage. It is I. Do not be afraid!” Mathew 14:27.

Twin Cities 1 Mile!

A quick update on Planet Yetzer: Tomorrow, May 17^th, I will be running the Twin Cities One Mile. It is the US road mile Championship. This will be my first road mile. I have always watched this race down Nicollet Avenue in Downtown Minneapolis and looked forward to the day I could compete in it! Tomorrow is the day! I think I will benefit from this type of race because you just step to the line, run as fast as you can, and have little time to think. There are no laps, just one mad dash to the finish line. I look forward to shutting my mind off and just competing with the elite women around me. There are 14 women in the field. We start at 7:53 PM on Nicollet Avenue. I would love if you came and cheered or even participated! Here is a link for more information and you can even watch it online: TC 1 mile

To Him be the Glory!

Mental Preparation

This past Saturday I was enjoying the afterglow of a successfully completed 400M repeat workout when Coach Barker came over and congratulated me on the effort.  I received the praise and realized that I have a lot of confidence doing short and quick workouts such as 400’s, but I have a much harder time completing longer intervals with the same focus and confidence. He asked if I did any sort of mental preparation, and I acknowledged that I do very little. We decided to meet to establish a mental preparation routine.

            When we met, Dennis reminded me that people say the mental toughness is something that can be trained and everyone can improve. Some people are better at mental toughness, but everyone can grow. We talked for over an hour, and I will cherish every second of it. In summary of our conversation, the two “takeaways” I had are the benefit of picturing the runner I aspire to be and believing I will become it, and learning to run each step with a focus on the immediate task at hand rather than fearing what lies ahead.

            Dennis asked me what kind of runner I aspire to be? He said to go home and consider what kind of runner I want to become and then to picture that on a daily basis. I picture myself running fast on a track with the confidence to push the pace from the moment the gun goes off. I see myself competing at a National and International level. I picture myself as a champion, finishing a race with passion and aggression. It amazes me how picturing myself as a runner that is aggressive and competitive has a profound impact on my mind and actions. Simply viewing myself as a champion makes me want to take care of all of the minor details in my training. None of my behavior is significantly different, but there are minor modifications; I want to continue to eat food that nourishes me, I want to make sure I get adequate sleep, I want to do my rehab and strength routine, etc. It amazes me how believing you can be a champion changes how you view yourself, and thus how you act. I am excited to proceed with my training with a new attitude and daily picture of the runner I am becoming.

             Dennis and I also discussed the negative effects of fear in a race. He pointed out that fear of the “possibilities” certainly cannot help us to reach our potential. When I am racing and someone makes a move, rather than moving with them and racing them, I generally fear I won’t be able to maintain that pace in a few laps and let them go on to have the race of their life without me. When I reflect on my best races, I recall a moment of decision where I wasn’t sure that I would be able to make it to the end of the race at such a pace, but I committed to moving with the group, and ran beyond expectation. I know that this decision to take a risk happens many times throughout a race; there is a constant mental battle between looking too far ahead and committing to the moment. I need to practice and picture myself taking risks and focusing on racing and doing what I need to do in the moment.

Racing in the moment makes me think if the verses in Matthew 6:33-34. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” All I can do is to compete to the best of my ability, and then trust that God has a good and perfect plan. Not everything will happen the way that I want, but I do not need to worry about tomorrow, how I will feel three laps from now, or if I will make it through the next five intervals in the workout. Rather, I can focus on the task at hand and do it well, and trust that taking care of each step will result in a final outcome. As Dennis said, “Take care of all of the little things, and the result will come.”

            I am excited to see the effects of viewing myself as a champion: strong, fast, and courageous. I do not think mental training is exclusive to athletes. We all benefit from having a positive view of ourselves and knowing where we want to go. I feel so blessed that I can use running as a metaphor for the ultimate goal in my life. With running I have an image of the athlete I want to become; similarly, for the ultimate goal in my life, I have the person of Jesus Christ that I want to emulate. As I continue to grow in my relationship with him, I know I will become more and more like him. After I have a vision of who I want to be, I will focus on the small details in my current situation, and trust that they will take care of the end result. This idea is so freeing to me.  The fear of the “what-ifs” don’t matter, but the effort in each moment does. There is nothing more satisfying to say I did the best I can do, and not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself! 

Fleeting Emotions - Peyton Jordan Reflection

The group of great runners I travelled with:
Jon Grey, Me, Jamie Cheever, Meghan Peyton, and Matt Llano

My trip to the Peyton Jordan Invitational has come to an end. I am back to reality in the great city of Minneapolis. To say the least, I am excited to step back on the track and race again!  I ran a 16:34, which is a PR, but not quite the time that I had hoped for. Nevertheless, I gained a lot of confidence from the experience and know that there is more to come! I ended up running in heat 3, which was not the fastest heat, but if I look on the bright side, it allowed me to be actively engaged in the race. Our first mile was around 5:09, but the next two miles slowed a lot. Throughout the race, I was aware that the pace was slowing, but because I haven’t raced this year, and I don’t have a lot of experience with the 5K, I was not confident enough to take control of the race. In retrospect, I wish that I had tried to help make the second mile move faster, but am confident that I can next race.

It is comical to recount the roller coaster of emotions that my mind goes through in just one lap of a race, let alone 12.5 laps. Within one lap I debated if I should take the lead, then questioned if I could hang on, and then a few strides later I would debate how soon I could take the lead and go for the win, but then return back to the fear and doubt of debating if I could hang on! I learned that within a 5K, I cannot respond to my immediate instinct and emotion, but that I must trust that I can press on and continue to drive the pace. I believe that this is the case in all I do. I am often tempted to give in to my momentary and fleeting emotion, rather than to trust that God has a good and perfect plan for me and that he will enable me press beyond my fleeting emotion or temptation. It makes me think of the verse 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it."

Up next for me is a little uncertain. I am hoping to race another 5K this May. I might have the opportunity to go to California to compete at the Oxy High Performance Meet on May 18^th. I can’t wait to race again and to compete with a stronger belief that I can run faster now that I have one race under my belt and an affirmed confidence that I have Christ strengthening me to push beyond my fleeting emotions. 

I have much more to reflect upon from the trip, but for the sake of time, I will have to share more of what I learned from my trip in my next post. Thanks for all of your prayers and support at the Peyton Jordan Invitational. It is fun to reflect on an actual race, rather than just my training! We are now officially in Track Season!!!!!

The Bull Rider

I am currently waiting at the airport to board my flight to San Francisco. Believe it or not, I am finally going to run a race! I am headed to the Peyton Jordan Invitational at Stanford, and I am going to run the 5K. The race is on Sunday April 29^th. My race will be at 5:40 Pacific time. You can watch it LIVE on Flotrack: http://www.flotrack.com.

If you talk to anyone that is close to me, they will attest that I am both anxious and excited. In September, I recall thinking that by the time this meet was here I would feel ready to run fast and would have all of the confidence in the world…WRONG! I hadn’t imagined having a hiatus in my training because of an injury. Despite this, I know that no matter what, I would find some other reason to not feel fully confident. It amazes me that no matter how prepared you may or not be, you never “feel” as ready you would like. Nevertheless, you move forward.

My college coach compared our lives to bull riding. He asked, “How many bull riders are fully confident as they mount the bull or believe they can anticipate every move that the bull is going to do? Does this stop them from getting on the bull?” Not only this, but he reminded us that the rider can’t get on defensively or with any passivity; he gets on with aggression and with a sense of confidence- even if he feels he has none.

As I head to Stanford, I will be the first to admit that I have my own doubts, and if I voiced them, I know I would sound petty and ridiculous. I will not let doubt and fear win! Thus, I am going to strive to emulate the bull rider that, despite some uncertainty, seizes the chance to compete. I will step to the line with a sense of assertiveness, confidence, and gratitude, and will have great ride!

 Since I didn’t use the verses I intended to us at the US Cross Country Championships, I will repeat the same verse and mentality: 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love, and self discipline.” I am not called to be timid, and am eager to run for God’s glory with power, love and self discipline as a good soldier would! To God be the Glory!

Passion

Last week I attended a Lifetime yoga class with my roommate, Megan. As some of you know may know, I am not the most flexible person…I consistently failed at the “Presidential Fitness” test in gym class because I was below the 20^th percentile for sit-n-reach, I can’t touch my toes, and my knees point to the sky when I sit cross-legged. I’ve been attending yoga with the goal of increasing my flexibility to prevent injury. This does not make me a “Star Student” of yoga, nor does it make my experience all that enjoyable. During one of the hip stretches that I was already squirming in, the instructor decided he would “enhance” my experience by holding me in the position and adding a little more pressure. I felt so anxious and trapped in the position, but could do nothing about it. The instructor kept repeating, “Don’t give in, or you will miss out on the experience.” Later on, I reflected on the potential missed experience when I try to escape any sort of suffering and recognized the connection between suffering and valuable experiences.

I had a workout Easter morning. I was supposed to run a 5-mile threshold. My brother-in-law, Jeff, came with me. He ran about a step ahead of me, pulling me along. I didn’t check my pace, but I stayed relaxed and focused on running smooth. The yoga instructor’s comment came into my mind: “Don’t miss out on this experience.” When we were done, I checked my pace and was very encouraged; I have not felt that smooth in a threshold before. The 5 miles of fighting fatigue were quickly forgotten, and we both celebrated a great start to our Easter. I can’t even describe the grateful feeling I had, and was so happy I got to share it with my brother-in-law. I think we can all relate to the moments that we are reinforced with a good workout, race, or life experience.

The next day, my mom shared the church bulletin with a reflection by Father Tom Wilson about Passion. His reflection helped me to relate my own workout on Sunday, and my training as an athlete in general, with Christ’s suffering and his own glory!  Fr. Wilson points out that the Webster definition of passion is “a suffering, especially that of Christ.” In general we think of passion as something with a much more glamorous and comfortable connotation. I confidently say that I have a passion for running; I love to train and compete, and to see the potential that I can reach. We all want to pursue our passions, but forget that there is almost always suffering that accompanies the glory in our passion. It was so appropriate to have the workout I had on Easter morning. After I had endured a hard 5 miles of focusing and fatigue, I enjoyed the thrill of feeling encouraged and the rush of endorphins. In a similar way, yet much more extreme, we refer to Jesus Christ’s crucifixion and death as the Passion of Christ. Jesus Christ had to die on the Cross and endure the penalty for all of our sins so that he could truly receive glory in his resurrection. Something so wonderful could not have occurred without the accompaniment of suffering.

With this Easter message in mind, I want to truly embrace suffering and frustration involved in pursuing my passion of running so that I really don’t “miss out on the experience.” If Christ had not endured his suffering, he would never have saved us all from our sins and been glorified in his resurrection and seated at the right hand of God. The value of the experience may not be immediately apparent in our suffering, but I want to relate to Christ’s suffering and celebrate his glory in my own life. As an athlete, I think one way I can do this is to endure hardships and be disciplined, with a trust that there is a value and a purpose in it that will help me to know Christ more. Apparently the season of Easter is 50 days long. During this time, I hope to really focus on the celebration of Passion in my life, particularly on the link between suffering and glory!

“Endure hardships with me as a good servant of Jesus Christ.” 2 Tim 2:3 

Cross Training

Let me start this entry with a bit of a disclaimer: This may be a rather boring entry for some of you, but for those that like to read about some of the technical components of training, or cross training in this situation, I encourage you to read on!

After recovering from an injury and cross training to maintain my fitness, I vow to do my best to avoid being a "Professional Cross Trainer." I do not dream of spending hours on a machine every day. That said, I recognize the benefit of incorporating cross training into my weekly training regime to prevent injury. Although I prefer to run, I need to incorporate some low-impact workouts to ensure that I stay healthy and can maintain year-round training. I plan to integrate cross training into my training regiment for one to two runs per week. Here is a list of some of the cross training methods that I find very helpful; it amazes me how many great resources there are!

1. Alter G- This is a treadmill that literally defies gravity. For those of you that have heard the song, "Defying Gravity," from the play Wicked, you now have the opportunity to actually defy gravity! With the Alter G you essentially ‘zip up’ into a treadmill and can run at an altered weight so your body doesn’t absorb as much impact. OSR, a Physical Therapy clinic in Eden Prairie, offers this resource: http://www.osrpt.com

2. Underwater Treadmill: The name says it all! A treadmill in a pool with jets flowing against you. The impact is much less in the pool, but you still have the benefit of a foot strike. A variety of elite athletes use this as a compliment to their training. It is a great way to add mileage with less threat of injury. Just to name drop, Galen Rupp and Mo Farah, two of the best distance runners in the world utilize this piece of equipment! You can do a variety of workouts by varying the force of the jets. My favorite workout is 30 seconds hard with 30 second recovery. You turn the jets on high. You can really elevate your heart rate with this workout. Although I feel exhausted by the end, I am so encouraged to get a hard workout without putting my body at great risk. Here is a link to an article featuring an injured athlete that used the Underwater Hydro-worx treadmill.

Under Water Treadmill demo

3. Eliptical- This piece of exercise equipment is probably most familiar to most people as it is found in most gyms these days. I find that the eliptical simulates running fairly well and gets my heart rate very high. I think it helps to do intervals on it to get the best workout and to break up the monotony. Once a week while I was injured I did 8 times 6 minutes hard with a two minute recovery.

4. Deep Water Running: This can be completed in the deep end of a pool. Some people choose to wear a water belt that increases buoyancy. I choose to not wear a belt because it makes the workout a little harder. In lay-man's terms you jump in the pool and start pumping your arms and legs, as though you are running, and you are on your way. The advantage to this activity is there is no impact. This exercise is perfect for someone that can do no weight-baring activity. I did a lot of aqua jogging at the beginning of my injury. Sometimes aqua jogging can be frustrating because you don't get a lot of feedback to gauge how fast you are going, but you still can get a great workout if you are intentional about pumping your arms and legs hard. I lose focus easily in the pool, so I enjoy doing 30 sec intervals. This is essentially a sprint, so I pump my arms and legs as hard as I can and simulate a speed workout with no impact at all! Here is a link to a demonstration: Water running demo.

5. Eliptigo- This is a new piece of equipment. The disadvantage of the Eliptical is you may be confined to the indoors, but with the Eliptigo you basically bring the eliptical outside! It is like a bike, but you are standing up on it. The first time I used it, I went around the Chain of Lakes in Minneapolis and barely stopped smiling because so many people stopped to stare! Here is a link to a video for a glimpse of the Elipti-go. I would totally recommend it if you desperately need an alternative to running and can’t stand being stuck inside. http://www.elliptigo.com/

There are a variety of other options for cross training, but this is what I found most enjoyable when running isn’t an option. You can all hold me accountable to cross train at least once a week to maintain year-round running!

The Unexpected

Happy Spring to Everyone - Although it really feels like summer! I am loving it, especially because I am starting back up running! This week I have been dwelling on something I heard at bible study. As some of you know, I volunteer with a sports ministry called Athlete's in Action. One component of the ministry is an all women's bible study on Sunday nights. This year we are studying Genesis. Alisha Kaiser speaks at the end, and something she said struck me: "God always answers “yes” to our prayers or answers it better than we ask or imagine." She proceeded with an analogy using her son, Weston. They had just cleaned out the car and there were some stale Goldfish crackers under his car-seat. Weston wanted the old and dirty crackers so badly. Alisha refused to give them to him, despite his pleading and crying. Instead, she opened a new box of crackers and offered him some. Even though Alisha offered Weston far tastier crackers, he wasn't satisfied because he had made up his mind that he wanted the ones he set his eyes on. I can totally relate to this one and a half year old. So often I deem what I think God's plan is and get so fixated on willing “my plan,” that I miss out on what God is offering me that is better. I dwell on what I am missing, rather than recognizing what goodness is right in front of me.

Naturally I will apply it to my recent training. Although I don't have God's long term perspective, I have to believe that my recent hiatus in training has been a blessing and is molding me to be the person God intends me to be; I have been reminded that God is in control and nothing is impossible with Him, been able to work out with a diverse group of people, developed my aerobic capacity because I can cross train much longer than I can run, improved my strength, developed a more disciplined mind, become more grateful for the opportunity to train and compete, etc. The list could go on. Although I would have preferred to not get hurt, I am dwelling on what is in front of me rather than what I think I am missing out on. Just as Weston missed out on enjoying the snack he was given because he was so fixated on the old crackers, I wonder what blessings from God I don't enjoy because I am so focused on willing my own plan. I am currently refreshed and ready to jump into some very quality training. I am excited to look for how God answers my prayers better than I could even ask for in all aspects of my life.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you"” Jeremiah 29:11-12

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or imagine" Ephesians 3:20

THANK YOU

Earlier this week I was doing a workout and reflecting on the experience of the past few months. Looking back on my short history as a ‘professional runner’ the number of people who have supported my dream and invested in my running goals is no less than amazing. Even in the moments when I doubt myself, the fact that others are invested and believe in what I am doing makes it possible to push myself through the ‘tough’ days and believe that big things will come.

My college coach liked to challenge us to consider if our self-talk resembled how we would talk to a friend. Honestly, I am much more critical and doubting of myself than I would be to any friend. I often wonder why I see so much potential in others when they don’t see it themselves, then I soon realize I am the same way! I think it is necessary to surround ourselves with those that will speak truth to us and to help us truly see ourselves the way God sees us. With that in mind, I want to say thank you to everyone for the constant encouraging words, prayers, interest, and investment in my training. My interactions with everyone have been so reinforcing, I will continue to train hard and remind myself that others are interested in my training because they believe in me! THANK YOU!