TC 1 mile

Today I have the awesome opportunity to race with the Elite field in the TC 1 mile. I will be lining up with many well-respected athletes that I know will challenge me to be the best racer I can be.

 I am currently coaching the distance girls at St. Louis Park High School. I absolutely love it. It has broadened my appreciation of the sport and reminded me of what made me fall in love with it- I found a chance to be a part of an awesome community, a chance learn how to push myself beyond boundaries I never thought could be broken, and a chance to face my fears of failure as I stepped to the line and thought that my time and place would reveal it all! I think every athlete should have the opportunity to serve as a coach because it has helped me return to the foundation of the sport and helped me strip away the emotion and fear of it. I have many athletes that are incredibly anxious before a race because they are afraid of looking stupid next to those that are racing them, or they are afraid they may not reach their goal time. I can certainly relate to all of these emotions! As a coach, I tell them, “All that is expected of you is to step to the line and to do your best.” It sounds so simple, but it is truly incredible to watch the girls, that I have come to care so much about, set aside their fears, and run with more confidence each race as they get caught up in competing. Last night St. Louis Park raced at the True Team Sectional meet. The girls came to me and were fretting over the fact that some of the girls in their race were WAY faster than them and I reminded them that the awesome part about track and field is it is an opportunity to look for improvement and when you step to the line with faster racers, you know that they will bring out the best in you. I told them that today I was racing against women that I felt a healthy respect for and I promised them that I would, just as they did last night. (we had a ton of PRs last night!)

Throughout the season some athletes are elated and are were disappointed about their times, but I tell them no matter the result, we set a marker with each performance. You can’t look behind to your past times and you can’t think you need to be way ahead of your performance, but you need to place your marker at the point you are at and celebrate each tiny mark of progress or opportunity for growth. I share this because I recently ran a PR at the Drake relays. I ran a 16:24. In reflection, I realized that if I ran this time last year, I would have been really bummed because I wanted to run in the low 16’s. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to do that, but I am learning that racing, for the most part, is about gradually making progress and celebrating each little step forward, so that you can also look back and remember where you came from.

The Israelites marked their progress too! When they were carrying the Arc of the Covenant, God commanded that they cross the turbulent waters of the Jordan River. The story is recounted in Joshua 3-4. They had to have the courage to step into the river with the Arc before it was dried and believe that God would go before them and it up so they could cross. I can’t imagine those first few steps. They had the courage to trust God and he showed up in a big way!!! The river was dried and they were able to cross. Joshua had 12 men pick up a stone from the dry riverbed of the Jordan as they were crossing so they could make a memorial with the stones so that the people of Israel would remember how God showed up forever. “…Did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.” Josh 4:24. Throughout much of the Old Testament we see altars, pillars, and stones set out marking occasions that they didn’t want forgotten and that pointed to God working in their lives. I can’t find evidence that the Israelites built a monument after crossing the Red Sea in their Exodus from Egypt, but I know they were led by a pillar of God. They had no idea what was to come, but they praised God for where he was carrying them and marched forward. Right after they crossed the Sea, Moses tells the people, “ Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring to you today… The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Ex. 14:13-14.

Today, I plan to step to the line with a gratitude that I get to race with women that will help me to run faster than I ever have, and a fierce drive to compete with them! My race will be my altar to the Lord and I will mark my performance as a time that God showed up and I will celebrate each step forward!

“ Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring to you today… The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” 

Bird Sittin' and Perseverin'

Happy New Year! I can hardly believe that the year of 2012 has ended! Life truly does seem to accelerate each year! This year I feel like I was thrown more into the “adult” world as I began teaching part time and continue to wrestle with what my future holds… I laugh at the hours I spent as a child playing House - pretending to be grown-ups with my sisters.  My play life did not resemble the life I currently live. It was a fantasy; I could decide I wanted an event to happen in my life, and then I would make it happen. I could decide I wanted to take a break from “life” and I could pick it up right where I left it. Life was good:) Although I could dictate everything that happened in my “play” life,  it didn’t include the depth of emotions that reality brings. There was no struggle in trials or joy in their triumph. When I could dictate my own life, I had no concept of the profound love of God or my need for him, nor the extreme joy that accompanies perseverance.

As many know, I am currently house-sitting for 6 months with my wonderful friend Jamie Cheever. We are in charge of fighting off all of the bad guys and taking care of a bird named Willow and a snake! There is little to do with the snake besides feeding it frozen rats, which is a story in itself, but Willow requires a lot more attention. Willow is a very social bird, so she likes to be around us. She only knows three words, “Hello,” a loud and startling “SQWAAAK,” and when she is really needing attention an incredible high pitched “SQUEAL.” Cheever and I decided when we first moved in that we would teach her to say at least one new phrase. After great debate, we decided on the phrase “I love you.” Every time we greeted her, rather than saying “Hi Willow,” we said, “I love you.” I expected it to catch on fairly quickly- I tend to be overly optimistic, but of course she did not immediately mimic us. After a while, I thought it was a hopeless cause, but I continued anyway, but to no avail. This December the owners came home because they are planning to take Willow back with them to Florida for the next few months. The night before they returned, believe it or not, Willow finally said, “I love you!” We were elated- at least I was- Jamie does a better job at containing her enthusiasm than me. Although it is such a simple thing, I recognize that having to wait for something and fight for it is far more rewarding than getting what you want right away. If Willow had complied immediately with our wishes, I would have been excited for a moment, but I sure wouldn’t have anything to blog about…!

I feel like a hypocrite writing much of this, but I hope that my attitude continues to move toward believing that fighting to pursue my passion will be fruitful. I believe that as I fight to pursue the passions that God has given me, whether or not they are successful according to the world, they are giving me a purpose and helping me to become the woman that God created me to be. This year, I have certainly been humbled, but at the same time learned that it is ok to “fail” because God has never left me and that I am still fully loved by him and those around me. I still hate to fail, but I currently feel free to continue to take risks because life does not end if I make a mistake. In fact, as much as it hurts to be vulnerable, I think it is the best opportunity to grow and evaluate in order to make changes. I plan to persevere just as I did with Willow and hope that some day I will get to celebrate a victory, but if not here on Earth, I truly believe that there is a greater victory to be won!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

I am getting ready for my first race in a very long time - first cross country race in a very very long time! I am racing at Club Cross in Lexington, Kentucky with my awesome team- Run N Fun! The weekend has already been a blast getting the chance to travel with a great group of runners that share a similar passion; some old friends, and some new. Honestly, it is hard for me to step to the line when I know I am not in my best fitness. I have a poster in my classroom that has a quote of Babe Ruth that says, “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” I cannot let my pride keep me from doing something that I love, just because of fear that my performance might hurt my ego a little bit! The course is going to be muddy because it has been raining the last two days, so times will not be fast – and we will all get very dirty! Thus, as I step to the line I am free from any time expectation and I can just run the race marked out before me in freedom. I am hoping that this race will be the start of many healthy races to come and remind me of how much I love to race, spend time with great people, and be free to be me! I will let you know how it goes!

Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

"Fall Back"

Today we set our clocks so that they “Fall back” one hour; we got one extra hour to sleep, and I will take that extra hour to reflect on this fall. This fall I have officially become Miss Yetzer at St. Louis Park High School, begun the humbling transition back into running after a long injury, moved from Lakeville (parent’s home) to Bloomington (With Jamie Cheever - house sitting until April), and continued to grow and learn the reality that my life will never and should never follow the pattern of anyone around me.

It has been a surprise to me that my injury kept me from running from June until September and is still requiring transition. As I mentioned in my previous blog, my latest conviction is to train a little more conservatively in order to stay healthy and run consistently – this means a few less miles and more cross training. My sister, Rebekah Metzdorff, is now coaching me. I will write more about our relationship in the future, but I am very excited to work with her, as I know I will communicate well with her and I trust her knowledge- with a Sports Science education and coaching experience at Hamline University and with other individuals. My tendency is to always want to do more, and I already feel like Bekah is holding me accountable to train more conservatively and to trust her.

I love to work hard and have it set in my mind that in order to be the best I can be, I have to do more. I am currently wrestling with the fact that my body did not respond kindly to that sort of mentality last year and it is pretty clear that I need to do something different. This fall I have been praying to understand if this means that I will never will be a professional runner, if it is time to move on, if I need to persevere, if I just need train with a different attitude and see where it goes while teaching, if I should just run for fun, if I should use my gift to coach, etc.? I catch myself praying about specific details because I want to know the end result.

I recall Annie, my sister, talking on a run last winter about how she wants to know exactly what she is supposed to be pursuing in her life- she wants the actions in her life to be like a dagger aimed at its intended target. I think we can all relate to the lack of direction we may feel at times. Recently I have been convicted that my concern about the little questions and details are keeping me from aiming at my actual target- I want everything I do to be pointed at glorifying God- growing closer to him, sharing his love with others, and worshipping him.

The people closest to me will probably roll their eyes because they are sick of hearing my excitement about the attributes of Noah that have recently inspired me. I grew up knowing the story of Noah’s Arc, but after reading it again this week, I was struck by Noah’s patience, perseverance, and ability to live a life set apart from the rest of the world.

First, Noah built the arc for 120 years… That is a long time and he was ridiculed for it, but he did it with faith because he believed he should- I doubt I would do that because I question if I should do something if it fails after a week, let alone 120 years! This fall I am not being ridiculed for my training, but in my head I want to be training more because this is the pattern I have always believed would lead to success. Instead, I am training moderately, and sharing my energy and passion with my Geometry students. It doesn’t make sense that this is going to make me the best runner, but I feel excited about teaching and that God keeps saying, “Just focus on what I have given you and trust me.”

Second, I was especially inspired by Noah’s patience; when Noah and his family were in the boat for about a year, the waters finally were receding. He sent out a dove multiple times to see if it would return with any sign of land. The dove finally returned with an olive branch- representing a sign of life. Even though Noah received that sign, he still waited a week after he received the olive branch until God told him to come out! I know that as soon as I saw the olive branch I would celebrate and take that as a sign and get out of that boat!

I am praying that I can apply some of this to my own life. I want to be like Noah- to be a patient and faithful woman. Even if I don’t completely understand every detail of my life or the end results, if I keep my dagger pointed towards Christ, no matter what I do, it will have a purpose and that he will direct my steps. I will continue to work hard at training, at teaching, etc. and trust that my life doesn’t have to perfectly resemble those of others. Perhaps some day I will change my mind, but for now, I feel like God is asking me to simply take steps forward with the peace of knowing he will direct them. Will I obey God and be like Noah and build a boat for 120 years even if the details don’t make sense? Will I continue to seek him and pursue the opportunities that he places before me- even if they don’t seem to align with what other great runners have done - and trust that God will bless it? (Whether that blessing means running success, becoming the woman he created me to be, or both, I do not know).

Francis Chan said, “Our greatest fear shouldn’t be of failing, but at being good at something that doesn’t have a purpose.” I hope that no matter what I do, I will get better at worrying less about the details and the end results, and will patiently focus my energy at knowing him and joyfully pursuing the little steps immediately in front of me for his glory.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but God directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Summer Vacation is Over - and so is my blog hiatus:)

It has been way too long since I have last posted. I apologize. I guess my excuse is Summer Vacation. Not by my choice, the last month has been a break from running due to a hamstring and back injury. Typically when I am injured, I am able to cross train like crazy, but with this injury, I was forced to take a complete break from most forms of activity. This was very challenging, as I love to be active, especially in the summer, but probably very healthy for me. For a while, my theme was Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” Gradually I have been able to add various forms of cross training. It is amazing what a gift physical activity is, when you can’t do it. The week that I did very little activity, I could relate to why people that get out of the habit of exercising think they don’t have enough energy for it. I felt exhausted do nothing…perhaps it was a combination of no exercise and a good case of disappointment. Anyway, I believe I am on the mend. I acknowledge that I have not kept you updated, but I am going to write as though I have kept my blog updated and you are informed, just like old friends pick up where they left off.

The current theme of my life is moving forward; Pray, take a step forward, keep praying, and take another step. Within this, there is going to be joy and suffering. St. Augustine said, “If we never give up, we will be winners.” He was referring to our faith and our reward in Heaven, and I think it applies to the various components of our lives. For me, through a lot of prayer, particularly when I am swimming in the pool, I have been convinced that despite my injuries, I still love to run and to compete, and if I can figure out how to run injury free for a couple of years and stick with it, I will be a winner. Perhaps being a winner means being an Olympian, perhaps it means learning how to deal with disappointment and clinging to God no matter what, perhaps it means both and all that will fall in between these extremes. I wish I could say I know the ending, but that would keep me from seeking. So, I am not giving up until my passion for this strange sport is gone and I am convinced that God has something else for me.

I am indeed moving forward, but this doesn’t mean that I will continue moving forward the exact same way. I have not established my exact plan for trying to stay healthy, but I do know that I want to be a lot more conservative in my training. If I can step back and look at the big picture, I know that I will thrive more in the long run if I have slower yet continuous progress, rather than interrupted training phases. I plan to gradually build miles until I am healthy, and then run with lower mileage than I ran this year and with a little less frequent intensity.  I wish I could always remember the big picture in running and my life in general. The reality is, life would be a lot healthier and bring a lot less anxiety if I could live with patience and insight. When I doubt arriving at the destination that seems so far away, I am trying to remind myself that my ultimate goal is to bring glory to God in all things, and that he has a good plan, and that his plan is the best no matter what I think the “best plan” is.

Last week I was feeling sorry for myself when I read Psalm 97. Part of it really encouraged me. “ The Lord is King, the Most High over all the earth…The Mountains melt like wax before the Lord.” I am moving forward with my life, with a confidence that my God can do anything- Even melt mountains!

A break and reflection

I recently (sorry I started writing this a week ago) returned from my last race of this track season. I decided I would seize the opportunity to run one more race in Indianapolis, and race 5K on the track. I flew to Indianapolis with my teammate Meghan Peyton, and then waited all day to run at 11:29 PM! To say the least, it was a rather long day! I felt like a caged animal; it was so hot outside, you didn’t want to go for a stroll for fear that your energy would be zapped and our hotel had little around it. The joke was that we had the option of either going to Denny’s, Waffle House, Super America, or stay in the hotel room. I would try to settle in the hotel room, then wander the long hallways, then return and read, then wander the hallways, then journal, take a nap, read, watch a movie, then wander the hallways…You get the point. In retrospect, it really doesn’t sound so bad to have an entire day of having to do nothing. It really is a unique opportunity to get to devote an entire day to preparing for an event that you care so much about and try to do it to the best of your ability. Despite the anxiety and pit in your stomach, I really do want to cherish race preparation and this season of my life.

            The race did finally arrive. Unfortunately it was not ideal 5K racing conditions being over 80 degrees and very humid. I went into the race with a goal of running under 16 minutes, which I think I am capable of on the right day, but ended up running 16.37, a few seconds off of my PR. I was actually proud of my mindset during the race, but very frustrated that I did not run a PR. I so desired some indication that my investment in this year was all worth it.  I wanted a strong indication that continuing to train post-collegiately would lead to leaps and bounds of improvement, but this was not the case this year, and especially difficult to expect after a stress fracture. As you probably can imagine, this naturally led to a lot of tears and reflection on my year.

First, I acknowledge that this year has been a transitional year. I am officially one year out of college, and enjoying/struggling to figure out how to live in “the real world.” Nonetheless, I have made ends meet (with the help and support of so many) and have become a much stronger runner after putting in many more miles than ever before. I have not even been training with my new coach, Dennis Barker, for an entire year, and should expect some time for transitioning and an eventual pay off for all of the strength work.

Second, despite my disappointment, I want to celebrate what good has come out of this year. I did run a small PR in the 5K after only running for four weeks after my stress fracture, and then was very near it on a very hot and humid day. Also, I want to celebrate that this year I completed many long and challenging workouts that I have never done in the past. I know I am getting stronger. Finally, I have to celebrate that had a group of people to train with that make it easy to love the sport and to want to continue to improve and compete at a high level.

Third, and probably the most important question I have to ask is: “Is this the direction in which I believe God wants me to continue? And am I becoming more like Christ in this endeavor?” Sirach 33:12 says, “Some he blesses and makes great, some he sanctifies and draws to himself.”  Of course I dream and want to be the one that God makes great, but ultimately I want to draw close to the Lord. I truly believe that each day that I am training and competing, whether it is a great and encouraging workout, a humbling blow that I didn’t reach a goal, a carefree run with people that I love, etc., I do feel as though I am being drawn to the Lord. Thus, for now, I know that I want to continue to train and compete.

What does this look like? For the sake of brevity, I will share more in the future about how I plan to tweak some components of my training and lifestyle. Logistically, I do have some semblance of a plan for the fall. I recently got a part time teaching job in the fall at St. Louis Park as a Geometry teacher. So, yes, I am officially MISS YETZER! It seems to be the perfect opportunity to have some structure in my life and to get to pour some thought, energy, and love into a classroom in the afternoon and still meet with my training partners in the morning. I am very excited about the chance to get to do two things that I love!

In the mean time, I am taking a few weeks of being a “normal person.” I took about a week off of no running and just “playing.” I have been going for bike rides, hiking, doing yoga, etc without worries that it will affect my training. It has been a lot of fun and it is refreshing me so that I am ready to start training again soon. I plan to get a good summer base and hit the roads this fall.

Some of my great support Crew!
(Annie, Dan, Me, Cheever)

I want to thank you all for your continued love and support. This week, particularly tonight, I will be supporting my two teammates and best friends, Jamie Cheever and Heather Kampf, as they run in the Olympic Trials! Later this week Gabriele Anderson will be racing as well! Good luck to you guys! Watching the trials and the fierce competitiveness in each runner is always a source of inspiration. I know my teammates will run with courage!

A penny for your thoughts

Well, I am headed home from Indianapolis. When I had envisioned this trip home, I thought that I would be celebrating that I had a new PR and qualified for the Trials. Unfortunately, I cannot deliver such joyous news. Last night I ran my third race, and again ran a 4.20… They say, “Third time’s a charm,” but this was not the case last night. For now, I am not sure what is next. I may try to get one more track race in, or I may hit the roads and do some road races. I will let you know shortly! I am prayerfully considering what is best. I currently am a little sick, so I am hoping that I can quickly get better in the comfort of my own bed and be ready to race soon.

No matter what, I have to continue to believe that God is still good. Not only this, but God has what is best for me. The morning of the race, I had read in Mark about the widow who places only a penny in the offering. People scoff at her “minimal” offering. Jesus rebukes them and praises her, for she has just offered all that she has. All the Lord wants is our best. I don’t always understand why I run, or what competing has to offer the Lord, but I want to be like the widow, and offer up whatever I have for his glory. For this weekend, I offered what I had. This does not mean that I am content with my performance, but it means that I will not allow myself to be defeated; that I trust that what I am doing is refining me and those around me somehow. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I know I am not competing alone!  Press on!