Well folks, it’s Tuesday afternoon and I had a little bit of time to reflect on my first Ten mile race this past Sunday. People say it’s helpful to set three levels of goals: a lofty dream goal, a reasonable goal, and a highly achievable goal. I can at least say that I hit my highly achievable goal down to the second; I crossed the line at 60 minutes exactly. Someone asked me if I had planned that, and I promise I didn’t. I was dreaming of running a little bit faster but despite my disappointment I learned a lot and have a few reflections:
First, preparing for the race was a blast. I used to dread the feeling of race anxiety and the idea of wasting my life away being nervous. Now I consider it a huge blessing feeling the anticipation and preparing for an event where I get to work with my heart, mind, and soul. The night before the race I stayed in St. Paul; between trips to the bathroom and pretending to read, I spent most of the night praying time would pass so I could go to bed and wake up ready to race. The Ten Mile started at 7:02 AM, so morning came very early. I awoke at 4:30am and felt like I was the only soul awake. I ate breakfast immediately, had a cup of coffee, did a short bible study and then went for a walk/jog. The air was still and crisp, the moon was bright, and I felt privileged and ready to go. My coach Dennis picked me up and we were off to the hotel where the Elite athletes gathered. I was amazed by how calm and collected everyone was. A large group of former Minnesota athletes warmed up together through the dark the early morning. I found myself relaxed and enjoying the prerace routine. Soon enough it was time to report to the line, I was ready to go.
“Runners take your mark… Go!”
We were off! I was taken a little off guard how fast we started. I wish I could tell you our first mile split but I didn’t wear a watch. As with a lot of races it’s hard not to be fast the first mile, but it’s especially true for the TC10 as it’s mostly downhill (unlike the rest of the course). My plan was to start out relaxed but unfortunately it didn’t feel as easy as I had hoped. I decided I should settle down a little, but before I knew it, the pack was gone…and I was in no man’s land. Long story short, I had my eyes on the pack the rest of the time and ran almost 8 miles by myself…. It was a pretty long race.
Results: 30th/ 60:00/ 6 min/mile (Place/ Time/ Pace)
People ask if my race was a mental failure, and I will be the first to admit that there were moments that I was a “mental midget” (a term my former coach Sarah Hesser likes to use). But I also am willing to say that Sunday was simply not my day. Thanks to a discussion with my sister, I think I can conclude that when I am at the correct fitness level, being mentally tough will come too.
So how did I respond? Well, first I felt a little numb, then I felt dumb (because I was far behind the group of people that I was racing), and later that day I felt confused… (I can’t think of another word ending in “umb”). I questioned what I was doing; How am I to make this my future if I am working really hard, and not even close to my competition? After calming down a little, I realized (with the wise counsel of many) that this early in the next phase of my running, I don’t yet have a broad enough body of work to evaluate if I should or shouldn’t run professionally. I firmly believe this is what I want to do and transition to new training takes time.
My theme for the next few months is the verse James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds. Because trials lead to perseverance, and perseverance will finish its work so that you will be mature and complete lacking nothing.” I will persevere. I will trust that with perseverance in my training, I will grow physically, spiritually, and mentally, and I will be mature, complete and ready to battle when racing.
I hope this blog can serve as support to anyone feeling discouraged or in a state of frustration. I encourage you to persevere, because God uses your situation to promote your reliance on him, making you mature and lacking nothing
Press on!
