Today we set our clocks so that
they “Fall back” one hour; we got one extra hour to sleep, and I will take that
extra hour to reflect on this fall. This fall I have officially become Miss
Yetzer at St. Louis Park High School, begun the humbling transition back into
running after a long injury, moved from Lakeville (parent’s home) to
Bloomington (With Jamie Cheever - house sitting until April), and continued to
grow and learn the reality that my life will never and should never follow the
pattern of anyone around me.
It has been a surprise to me that
my injury kept me from running from June until September and is still requiring
transition. As I mentioned in my previous blog, my latest conviction is to
train a little more conservatively in order to stay healthy and run
consistently – this means a few less miles and more cross training. My sister,
Rebekah Metzdorff, is now coaching me. I will write more about our relationship
in the future, but I am very excited to work with her, as I know I will
communicate well with her and I trust her knowledge- with a Sports Science
education and coaching experience at Hamline University and with other
individuals. My tendency is to always want to do more, and I already feel like
Bekah is holding me accountable to train more conservatively and to trust her.
I love to work hard and have it set
in my mind that in order to be the best I can be, I have to do more. I am
currently wrestling with the fact that my body did not respond kindly to that
sort of mentality last year and it is pretty clear that I need to do something
different. This fall I have been praying to understand if this means that I
will never will be a professional runner, if it is time to move on, if I need
to persevere, if I just need train with a different attitude and see where it
goes while teaching, if I should just run for fun, if I should use my gift to
coach, etc.? I catch myself praying about specific details because I want to
know the end result.
I recall Annie, my sister, talking
on a run last winter about how she wants to know exactly what she is supposed
to be pursuing in her life- she wants the actions in her life to be like a
dagger aimed at its intended target. I think we can all relate to the lack of
direction we may feel at times. Recently I have been convicted that my concern
about the little questions and details are keeping me from aiming at my actual
target- I want everything I do to be pointed at glorifying God- growing closer
to him, sharing his love with others, and worshipping him.
The people closest to me will
probably roll their eyes because they are sick of hearing my excitement about
the attributes of Noah that have recently inspired me. I grew up knowing the
story of Noah’s Arc, but after reading it again this week, I was struck by Noah’s
patience, perseverance, and ability to live a life set apart from the rest of
the world.
First, Noah built the arc for 120
years… That is a long time and he was ridiculed for it, but he did it with
faith because he believed he should- I doubt I would do that because I question
if I should do something if it fails after a week, let alone 120 years! This
fall I am not being ridiculed for my training, but in my head I want to be
training more because this is the pattern I have always believed would lead to
success. Instead, I am training moderately, and sharing my energy and passion
with my Geometry students. It doesn’t make sense that this is going to make me
the best runner, but I feel excited about teaching and that God keeps saying,
“Just focus on what I have given you and trust me.”
Second, I was especially inspired
by Noah’s patience; when Noah and his family were in the boat for about a year,
the waters finally were receding. He sent out a dove multiple times to see if
it would return with any sign of land. The dove finally returned with an olive
branch- representing a sign of life. Even though Noah received that sign, he
still waited a week after he received the olive branch until God
told him to come out! I know that as soon as I saw the olive branch I would celebrate
and take that as a sign and get out of that boat!
I am praying that I can apply some
of this to my own life. I want to be like Noah- to be a patient and faithful
woman. Even if I don’t completely understand every detail of my life or the end
results, if I keep my dagger pointed towards Christ, no matter what I do, it
will have a purpose and that he will direct my steps. I will continue to work
hard at training, at teaching, etc. and trust that my life doesn’t have to
perfectly resemble those of others. Perhaps some day I will change my mind, but
for now, I feel like God is asking me to simply take steps forward with the
peace of knowing he will direct them. Will I obey God and be like Noah and
build a boat for 120 years even if the details don’t make sense? Will I
continue to seek him and pursue the opportunities that he places before me-
even if they don’t seem to align with what other great runners have done - and
trust that God will bless it? (Whether that blessing means running success, becoming the woman he created me to be, or both, I do not know).
Francis Chan said, “Our greatest
fear shouldn’t be of failing, but at being good at something that doesn’t have
a purpose.” I hope that no matter what I do, I will get better at worrying less
about the details and the end results, and will patiently focus my energy at
knowing him and joyfully pursuing the little steps immediately in front of me for his glory.
